Hellfire

2 - "But they soon leave.
." (extra period at the very end, an whole line down.)

7 - Walk west ?

12

"It looks at you, its face a mask of blood" (I thought it had two heads?)

108

" it has a demonic human face ... and a deadly bite."

123

"Then you walk in up to your waste" + "But it's probably nothing. You tell yourself." (Does this need to be two sentences?) + " is a fine looking silver mace" (hyphen?)

134

"All you have do now is defeat it ..."

154

"- it's not real after all." (Perhaps "not animate"? It is still a physical object, after all.) Also not sure if "war-hammer" needs a hyphen.

173 - the first two options are missing question marks.

194

"You consider running ... but a previously hidden rock-door" + " There are 2 objects behind the growling Manticore one of which glints provocatively" (comma?)

203

"with jet black hair" -shouldn't there be a hyphen here?

212

"But please go ahead ... I'm feeling hungry."

217

"As you reach the body of the Werewolf it changes back into the man it once was, he looks far less threatening now, peaceful even." (run-on sentence: perhaps needs to be split in two, or something other than commas?)

221

"your short rest as best you can"

263

"as good as dead ..."

276

"laughing high above you ..."

294

"a tall, scruffy white-haired young woman." (missing comma?) + " is apparently unarmed ... and strangely silent."

302

"and ... AARGH!" + "gets up and backs you into a corner ..."

303

"It's strange ... but the further"

336

"two pale skinned men" (hyphen?)

355

" your now useless weapon" (hyphen?)

366

"you wish you were that creature ... it is some time" + " complete with large red, handle" (missing "a" and a comma in the wrong place?)

367

"and he bids you, "Get lost."."

395

" you realise you're trapped ..."

405

"and ... find some!" (Also, perhaps "throw an item" should say "throw a rock", to make it clearer you are not wasting a Possession by trying this?)

433

"never solved anything ... unless you're a demon." + "before you can even think about saying, "So what?" "The latest version," (shouldn't there be SOME punctuation between two different quotations?)

456

" If ever you think you've found" (?) + ""Is it ... useful?" + "Yeah ... sure it is!" + "his name ..."

458 - spaces between question marks and the last three options.

463 - "to look down at you causing you to freeze in cold terror." (comma?)

483

"and carry on ..." (space)


515

"each with a picture of animal" (an?)

At 426, the original writes out that the amount he wants is determined by a 2D6 roll, while here, you can easily assume that the amount is the same every time, only hidden. After going with 10+ most failed attempts to be on the safe side, I first went down to 9 and then to 8 on the winning run. Emboldened, I attempted 8 on this playtesting run as well, only for it to be insufficient (and to lose because I forgot to turn south at a key point.)

When 299 describes cat's claws as ninja weapons, I was at first convinced that what you were REALLY supposed to do with them was to offer them to a librarian. Oh well.

Similarly, it's weird that you are told no-one has ever made it past the "Honour" password, yet once you are in Trinitour's room, there are a whole lot of dead and tortured warriors regardless? Did so many of them get captured by his servants and brought there?