Extreme kudos on making a gamebook with such a controversial plot. It was quite entertaining, and the break from semi-cliched sci-fi plot was good. I typically like more battles, but the choices made up for that. I'm not sure if there are multiple endings, but I may well come back to look for them. The character option was nice too.
Grade: 99

Alice
Mon Nov 6 12:05:28 2017
Skull - non-optimum ending reached

Good storyline with multiple options and attributes which you can use.

RogueOne
Tue Nov 28 22:41:37 2017
Star - optimum ending reached

Done!

jp
Mon Jan 28 05:39:37 2019
Star - optimum ending reached

took a few attempts

paul
Mon Mar 18 14:06:08 2019
Skull - non-optimum ending reached

killed in combat. this is an intriguing gamebook and i am looing forward to having another go.

Quick Games
Sat Apr 4 02:34:55 2020
Skull - non-optimum ending reached

Had confusion how the stamina was being added as it seems ransom

Cyber Baby
Fri Oct 22 05:13:46 2021
Star - optimum ending reached

WTF, CyberJudas. Frik you, man!

Thnes Maeswara
Tue Mar 8 15:16:28 2022
Star - optimum ending reached

lol

YARD
Thu Aug 24 12:38:51 2023
Star - optimum ending reached

So far, Kieran is definitely my favourite author on here! Other than those 50-ref experiments, his works succeed at truly placing you into the mindset of unconventional characters with unconventional, yet firmly held goals, surrounded by a memorable and well-defined cast. Further, they provide a great range of choices and branching outcomes, all while remaining completely logical. This story is no exception!

I reached the successful ending (ref 100) via two different paths when I started writing this. I at first assumed that since it is only 100 refs altogether, and there are some unpredictable refs like the random misfortunes which may befall the ships you travel on, that this would be it, and began writing this. Then, I remembered briefly spotting one more character, and found not just his ending, but a whole lot of refs in the city of Rhodes that are a welcome surprise.

I can only think of one notable flaw, and it's the one this story would share with Outsider!, the most prominent tale about assassination here.

SPOILER

END SPOILER

Some have made a complaint that the ending is less significant than it could have been, but it's just as easy to argue that this is the very point, so I'm not holding it against the story.

With my recommendation of the story itself complete, it's time for the now-usual business of typo-hunting!

7
"before his thrown is transfixed by a hurled javelin."

11
" the awareness that you are the only member of the crew still alive slowly dawning you"

51

"you have no choice (but?) to agree."

61

"your heart goes out to this beautiful brave girl.Will you:"

64

"after witnessing your magnificent shot.."

66

"you have travelled hundreds of league to"

74

"' you begin, 'that"

79
'Doesn't look too valuable, but might be worth a coin or two. (missing apostrophe.)

81
"A burly Nubian slave watches closes and then in a booming voice he commands you both to start."

85
"Does he now?' say Zohar softly,"

Ref 76 has an issue that's not a typo per se, but is of a similar nature and would appear to be quite a blemish.

SPOILER

END SPOILER

And another thing which could be a significant error, though I am not sure about it.

SPOILER

END SPOILER

On the gameplay side, I wish ref 85 (or its archery alternative) had restored at least some of your stamina, as that would seem very reasonable given the description, and the likelihood you would have arrived there after a fight. The naval journey you get after success only restoring 2 Stamina afterwards in spite of taking "a long time" seems unnecessarily stingy.

Fixed these typos and the ones you have so far mentioned elsewhere.

At reference 76, "corn" is correct, it is only in American English that the word specifically refers to maize rather than any cereal crop. As for God, I don't really see any need to apply conventions used by modern-day Jews writing in English to the translated thoughts and speech of biblical-era Judeans.

MPerera
Sun Sep 3 23:28:53 2023
Star - optimum ending reached

Realistic if depressing ending!

Kieran
Fri Sep 8 22:11:38 2023

Glad you liked this one, Yard. I'm quite pleased with it from a gameplay perspective, but I've really gone off the premise now - I think I was going through an 'atheist edgelord' phase during my early 20s when I wrote it and it makes me cringe to think of it these days! Maybe I could rewrite it into something less edgy and more respectful.

And yes, probably should have opted for 'grain' over 'corn'.

YARD
Sat Sep 9 07:46:47 2023

Hmm, I may not be religious myself, yet I have a lot more positive attitude towards non-extremist believers than those "New" Atheists who are, as you say, edgelord. For what it's worth, I didn't really consider the story edgy altogether - particularly not when this very place happens to host Hellfire, Outsider! + New Day Rising and Escape Neuburg Keep (and a few more undigitized works in their vein). There is also the earnest Christianity of basically all of Robert Douglas' works here, and while I don't consider this bad in and of itself, I appreciate the presence of The Word Fell Silent as the right counterbalance to that. I also find it very reminiscent of Agora, which I consider gravely underrated, so that is another point in its favour for me.

I suppose you might be having second thoughts about including certain character who often ends up poisoning the player. To me, though, while the inclusion of him in particular came across as quite a bit of sensationalism at first, his perspective felt entirely plausible, as practically every major movement had at least one person present at the start who then thought it lost its way and became one of its greatest detractors. The way his presence allows you to carry out your task, though, needs a lot more detail to be remotely plausible.

As I said before, my main narrative issue was about how little of a plan you and any possible companions have once you actually get to the point of carrying out your mission. My main tonal issue was with Elena coming across as a plot device whose fate is completely insignificant once the task is done.

OLIVIA
Tue Apr 30 11:51:19 2024
Skull - non-optimum ending reached

i liked this game fr

21 to 35 of 35 | [next] [previous] | [first] [last]