I haven't finished this story yet, but I am enjoying it immensely. It is true to the spirit of the later FF books, where you could go along the same path over and over until you realise you had done just one thing wrong. It's a big one it seems like its got at least 600 paragraphs, look forward to finishing it!
MPerera Thu Sep 7 15:38:02 2023
This was pretty good. I especially liked the spells. Provisions don't restore as much stamina as I expected, but there were enough opportunities to either buy more food or gain stamina.
YARD Sat Sep 16 14:17:45 2023
So, by and large, this is very good. While I generally have a preference for dark fantasy, I started with relatively low expectations here, since the background, with its obvious inspirations from Dark Souls, is very familiar nowadays. (Admittedly, when this was written a decade ago, "Soulslike" wasn't really a thing yet, so in some ways it was hit by something beyond its control.) On the other hand, you can draw the parallels with more classic (J)RPG plots as well (substitute "flame" for " crystal" and you have the archetypal early Final Fantasy plot).
Nevertheless, Richard Evans places a lot of effort in wringing every last drop of atmosphere out of the premise he went with. I appreciate a lot that the story is not grimdark in a way so many lesser writers approach these things, with overblown atrocities and tortures all over the place and blending into one boring mess. Instead, it's a far more understated yet unmistakable portrayal of a land where everyone does what they think is right, but is ultimately out for themselves ahead of anything else, regardless of how they choose to justify it (if they bother to). Unexpected details like the surprisingly heartwarming glimpse into the mind of two trolls at ref 121 make it all the more convincing. Same goes for when a mundane event (settling to sleep) which would be brushed over in any other story suddenly gets several extra choices and becomes an exhibition of how far your character's paranoia might have gone by then.
This story's 700 refs are put to a great use as well, as while there are deceptively not that many routes at first glance, they expand into a wide range of encounters. Even the goblin army is far more interesting than usual due to being an actual army, making up for their weakness with remarkable organization, and an act of simply charging a sentry is imbued with surprising weight at ref 418 - and that's before we get to the sheer number of choices available to try besides that cool (yet obviously stupid) thing to do. Most of the other encounters involve creatures you may not expect to see at all, and are more interesting still. There are not just choices thanks to spells, but often additional choices thanks to their implications. The moment when casting a Levitate spell suddenly expanded into a choice of three targets was a good example.
Unfortunately, this work is somewhat uneven. As impressive as those "extra" choices, ones which could have been absent and you wouldn't have guessed it, are (everything you can do while looting a certain corpse, itself in a rather out-of-the-way location, is another example, as the options in a tavern you shouldn't really attend in the first place), there are a few things which feel like glaring omissions, and detract from the impression more than I would have liked to admit.
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In particular, it's incredible that once you have survived the first night, absolutely nobody cares about your sun badge – not any of the guards, who might perhaps have considered it evidence of desertion (granted, you would have presumably been smart enough to hide it, but there is at least one circumstance where your stuff gets searched) and not the royalists at Surlgrad, who absolutely do search you. The first few runs, I kept avoiding the entrance because I was convinced they would shoot on sight if you have the badge (although, ref 36 somehow tells you that there are banners over Surlgrad BUT NOT WHICH INSIGNIA THEY ARE FLYING, which is a frustrating omission if you listened to the merchants earlier). Further, I really expected Frejun to claim that your badge must mean that you have murdered the King yourself once you do present the crown.
Another incredible omission is right at the start of the eastern route. While the reference to Souls' Patches is fun, I really don't understand why you can use Levitate soften the fall at 462, but not when about to fall through a bridge, or to try and and get up over the hut's spiked wall?
END SPOILER
YARD Sat Sep 16 14:34:25 2023
And one surprising issue which had somehow slipped the creator's mind is that your magic usually receives so little reaction from everybody else.
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i.e. I would have expected that after you ended up illuminating the goblins at night with fireballs in full sight of all the guards, they would have tried to do ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING in their power just to keep you fighting on their side. Later, you apparently wreck plenty of people's dwellings if you used FORCE on the corrupt guard, and there's again no real reaction. There's even some unintentional comedy when that guard cares neither about your magic shield nor your fireballs, immediately blocking them with his cloak with nary a shrug: it makes him look like Ron Swanson or some other sitcom character who just doesn't care about fancy BS and powers through regardless.)
Similarly, I expected more of a downside to unlocking the western gate, from outright dying to at least seeing the archers take pot shots at you. All because the implications of someone capable of just single-handedly opening up the centerpiece of your defence just walking out there, aligned with who knows what, should by all rights be terrifying to the city.
If anything, THAT would have warranted sending out a knight: as it is, the strangely silent knight who sticks around instead of fleeing for completely unclear reasons (certainly not honour or the like, else he wouldn't have been defending the guard in the first place) is a really strange replacement encounter. The inability to loot anything worthwhile from him is an icing on the cake: I was hoping you could take his gloves or something, and use them to handle Fire Elemental's gift.
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Some minor things which I don't quite get.
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How come an earth elemental is just made of rocks, and the fire elemental is fire and charcoal, yet the water elemental is not pure water and actually has flesh which other fish can eat?
Why can’t we try LEXICON at the book in 167?
I am not sure about the point of asking you if you want to enter the Raven Man's place or not AFTER you had already expended the unlocking spell on it.
I also hope there's going to be more context about the mechanical stuff in the sequel, since right now, getting that key for 6 pieces seems like a complete waste in all senses of the word. For that matter, it feels like paying for incense only makes sense if you want to support the temple's work, as the shrines only seem to offer healing, which is not really needed if you planned things out right?
There's some confusion about one character's name: it's Xenophont at 5, 105 and 205, yet Xenophon at 405 and 505.
At 304, the room is said to cost 3 pieces, yet it costs 2 at 104.
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I have also discovered some outright software bugs.
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Firstly, at 474, Cast Force instead sends you to 275 – as well as somehow giving you 255 arrows.
And at 648, the option to go temple's interior somehow takes you to 549 instead.
If you defeat the mounted mercenary rider at 42, you are taken to 442, where he is dismounted.Yet, if you dismount the knight at 243 or 343, you are still taken to 44 if you win or 144 if you lose, and he is mounted in both.
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Finally, proofreading. Here, it's going to have to take up multiple comments once again. The issue with the lack of punctuation around quotations is the most prominent, but sadly there's a lot more than that - to the point I ended up intentionally triggering obvious trap options just for testing.
SPOILER
2 are you" The guardsman 4 upon the barkeeps face 5 the Artificers foundry + the Mages College (?) + speaks "Rise + reached Innshelm" you reply "At present + wise" responds Atarxes "every 7 the crenulations (double l?) + attract the goblins arrows 11 A flock of ravens burst (?) 13 but I wondering (am?) 16 But you not focus on them (?) + into the wild mans chest 22 mighty catapaults + an entrance "Graznak is inside 23 then show it to me" Graznak interrupts 36 flutter from the keeps parapets 38 go through?" he says "Well + a day" you shout + you're right" quips one "but + killed!" .They 40 it's going to be" The Guardsman + disappointed "I warned you 44 avoiding the weapons deadly point. 49 across the valleys mouth. 61 "Hello there" croaks + crone "It's good 70 grave news!" You say + go to Frejuns chamber + to put him to the question (to questioning?) 73 The taverns clients lean back 77 Dusting the lakes snow 78 The beasts gaping nostrils quiver 79 its less protected sides + is short lived. 81 of the villagers bodies.
END SPOILER
YARD Sat Sep 16 14:35:47 2023
Second set of typos.
SPOILER
104 the streets" Growls the barman "It'll 105 your question "Recently 106 Sheltering behind a crenellation a guardsman looks towards you. (comma?) + he topples off of the wall. (?) 108 at you "Look 109 You slip between the crack between the doors (into?) 112 to exact as much gold (extract?) 119 mighty catapaults 124 the tribute" you tell him "but he + nods vigorously "I make sure 132 137 a look of pained surprised 140 "Please" he + whispers "spare me. 141 you hear the horses approach. 142 of the mercenaries' horse (why plural?) + Without warning the horse bucks. (comma?) 144 his horses breath 154 towards the valleys mouth. 155 resignation in his eyes "May the Gods save us from righteous men" he mutters 156 burnt out farmstead 165 Say that the goblins plan to march south, not north? 169 over the chests bottom 173 to the gamblers shoulder. + for it!" he demands + the window "Get out of here, sorcerer" he grunts. 174 Frejuns bolt arcs + pushed by Frejuns magic + your shields energy 182 wisp like bodies
205
your question "The world 209 journey" one says 211 by a thousand razor sharp cuts. 212 Here its goblins 223 a double bladed war axe 236 Silence forgotten you grab the bow 238 where I've come from" She whispers. 239 understand?" He + says "I am 240 deflecting the poleaxes head when you can. 242 in one of your spells eddies + As his horse neighs piteously (pitifully?) 243 Without warning the horse bucks. (comma?) 246 booms out over the water "Stop or die!" 254 its now fallen assailant. 255 the World-Flames energies 257 to get as far away from the bonfire and its infernal custodian. (as possible?) 258 Now inside your blades reach 263 his eyes lighting up "How 270 – space after “a food stall”. 273 as the inns patrons dash 279 to its uneasy rest.Before 297 the mountains icy wrath.
304 recruit" one of them + gold pieces" he declares "seven minus” 305 who answers your question "As 306 emotionless voice "For the crime 308 Gods" She states "But beware 321 After an hour or so you heading through the forest you reencounter + as a result a leafy green canopy 322 at last" He growls + surprisingly accurate the common tongue 324 the north. (no capitalization?) + is south" He says; + The trees beckons you 334 Silhouetted by the moons light 338 He see's your advance 343 his now useless lance away + a two handed broadsword. 345 "There he is!" he cries jubilantly, "now do what you've been paid for". 354 You dance rings around it your sword cleaving into its thick hide. (comma?) + against a carriages wreckage + calls out weakly "I am not 357 to face the Fire elemental (capitalization?) 361 in the rooms centre. 362 the bars "If you try 363 Eastern road" You say. + "Aha!" Cries + lighting up "Only a day + no punctuation at the options. 365 The creature that kneels before (us?) 366 the snow-storms that rage continuously around her slopes makes 369 the scorpions poison 370 – no punctuation at the end of the options. 373 and I might not kill you" he whispers. 379 the Wyrms great green eyes 397 sickening smile "Help me!" comes a plea from within them "If there's anyone out there!"
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YARD Sat Sep 16 14:37:14 2023
And the last.
SPOILER
401
a ghost town in a months' time 402 Investigate "Zarquons exotic goods" + no punctuation at the end of the options 404 in the inns loft. 405 a dying mans last breath + the World-Flame".With that + the intruders grasp 407 the tide "In these dark times + 408 inside of them. there are 409 well trodden 412 eh!" he says "Well + the cawing of the Ravens have fallen silent. 417 over the bridge "Tribute bearer" + common tongue "Follow me" 419 one blood filled breath 422 vicious looking grin "I see 424 grips you tighter "You lie; south road is safe to all those who friends of goblins, west road far more dangerous."Do you 431 into the statues side. 434 the rents in your tents canvas. 435 into the creatures face 436 the King" reads one + is Nigh!" reads + another "The Gods 439 Undeterred you send (comma?) 441 he is" The guardsman cries + his animal "Now do 442 He is right to be afraid you attack, pressing his backwards with your blade (?) + stab him In the chest 443 deflected by the steeds steel armour. 455 over you "no matter 460 the keeps parapets 465 my mind at ease" Thrunvir says 468 The only evidence of its presence the trail of hot dark blood it leaves behind it. 475 attack me" You snarl + with blood "The Necromancer + knows" He + replies "He knows + idle threats" You + respond "Who is this + the world" Frejun + whispers "There 476 closer to the lakes centre
490 You see little in the way of wildlife however (comma?) 491 at the caverns side. 493 to worship me" (missing period). 501 good citizen!" he cries "I presume + continues "The town 502 Investigate "Zarquons exotic goods"? 504 about this" replies the innkeeper "Recently + Lose 1 STAMINA.Eventually + just leavin'" he says "I've 505 the other mages useless attacks
507 a whales head 515 it blasts it way 522 fool" He screeches, his speech barely comprehensible "WHERE IS MY TRUBUTE". 524 told me to" You shrug 531 smashes against the statues side 536
a nasal voice "Magnolio 540 the guards' body crumples to the floor. 556 mortal" A voice + mortal" It + hisses "I have 569 pinning it to the chests floor. + you are sure that (it?) is dead. + serves as Thrunvirs chancellor 581 with pent up energy 591 Greenlander" he snaps "you 599 in your crystals light, 603 gold pieces" he says "This is 611 to the world-flame (capitalization?) 619 towards the waterfalls edge 625 over the waterfalls top 636 By now they are deep in the crowd still clustered around the ridiculous figure of Magnolio. (comma?) 639 how it's going to be" The Guardsman says, as though disappointed "I warned 644 hiding in.The ruffian + and speaks "It is dangerous 646 a muscle" Barks + the man "You can 648 the temples roof 654 who I am" He croaks + mane of his hair "I swear 655 Ragnar wheezes "This road 657 of the fireballs impact 658 The Gods faces 661 to you "If I were you
662 the bars "If you 664 nearby growls "I can't believe it + Thrunvir speaks "It seems 665 picking the doors lock 671 that merchants need wear armour 677 The grass covered tundra (hyphen?) + and the occasionally black basalt outcrop (?) 678 in the creatures head 685 knee deep mud 686 a feather strewn spear
END SPOILER
YARD Mon Sep 18 14:08:42 2023
Haviing finished A Flame in the North, I must now note that it spells that one character's name as Xenophon in ref 43, even though a slight majority of the refs here use Xenophont. Make of that what you will.
And couple more typos, present in the options I didn't remember to check until now.
