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YARD Sat Sep 2 11:19:01 2023 Hellfire |
Firstly, I'll go for a very common grammar issue which appears unique to this story: the tendency to place unneeded space before every ellipsis "..." Even the background is absolutely full of this. Other typos are only included when they are on the same ref as this.
SPOILER
Now, the other typos are once again taking up too much comment space, so I'll place the other observations here.
SPOILER
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| I'm not going to bother with ellipses. From the references online that I've seen so far, it appears that putting spaces before them is the correct thing to do anyway. |
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YARD Sat Sep 2 10:24:43 2023 Hellfire 
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Well......... I practically have no words. This is the first, and hopefully only, gamebook where I didn't just resort to checking the comments section (happened a few times before), but also to right-clicking and even Ctrl-Fd through the downloadable version by the time even time itself couldn't beat the acid pool, tired of going in circles and beginning to doubt if ANY of the myriad items on the way were actually useless. (Turned out, many were.) This seemed preferable to putting up with the incredibly arbitrary logic of the proceedings, which can at most be condensed to loose guiding principles * The stupidest possible thing is usually the right one, BECAUSE BRAVERY!!! * If something hurts you when you pick it up, you'll definitely need it to win. Vice versa, if something actually raises your stats, you have most likely found a trap and should try anything else next time. * Something which was the right thing to do once will probably be the wrong thing next time you are in a similar situation, and vice versa. Except when it still works the same way, that is. * Oh, and don't expect even physical continuity. In the exact same locations, a slightly different choice can suddenly cause the character to overlook what he would otherwise spot in the same room, going the same route. I still don't know what to think of that thing
SPOILER
At least I don't have to struggle to express my feelings about the ending - it was godawful. I can't say I was overly disappointed, as by that point I was far too tired of the whole thing to care much either way. There's a reason why video games frown upon drawing enemies out of thin air - and it's the same reason why being literally teleported to the dungeon by your enemy, having items or even teleporters summoned out of thin air for you by the villain or getting commented on in real time or told hints by him is such a nightshade to any narrative investment. The villain actually standing in place and rattling off the literal laundry list of what you need to try and kill him (well, most of it) is hilariously bad. It's particularly incongruent with the detailed violence, which lends surprising gravity to the proceedings - only for all of it to get wrested away by the above. I did find it funny how I completely forgot the intended reason for why the character even went to that dungeon in the first place (beyond the whole "skies raining blood" thing) as the result, and had to reopen the starting page to recall who the ending even mentioned in the first place. And it is neat that clicking "CONTINUED..." lets you directly carry over your endgame stats to the sequel. What I see of it right now isn't exactly promising, though: just how out of touch does one have to be to think that anyone who went through ALL OF THIS is going to want MORE Trinitour, in any way, shape or form? Why did I even bother to cheat so much so to get to the end, if I lost any real investment in the proceedings by then? Simply put - because even though this is the very first playable story on here, around 22 years old, I STILL found a massive trove of various typos and even outright bugs by the time I had to resort to cheating, and wasn't going to abandon that, or post them while only part-way through. First, the literal bugs: * Neither the silver mace, nor a certain shield, actually show up in your POSSESSIONS list (that last thing really convinced me at one point that the character simply didn't pick it up in the first place, and wouldn't do that without using one of the scrolls.) * You can use the Potion of Fortune right as you get "Spider Man is preparing to bite!" message, but then it just takes you to 571 and nowhere else, and the way it appears with a clipped interface is clearly bugged. * 305 and 392 do not show you "The End" or any comment box. * drinking at 216 still gives the option to swim all over again afterwards. 273 still lets you go west even after you have already been there. I am running out of comment space to include the typos, so I'll just end this comment here. offer a couple more observations on the differences between online and written versions, and on the general logic. |
| I can't reproduce the issue with the mace and shield not showing up, or the Spider Man one; if you see these again, could you send me the URL? |
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LETÍCIA Thu Aug 31 23:06:29 2023 Escape Neuburg Keep
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É LEGAL |
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MPerera Wed Aug 30 04:55:54 2023 A Strange Week For King Melchion The Despicable
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The endings where I lost were even more entertaining than the "good" one. |
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MPerera Wed Aug 30 04:46:12 2023 Escape The Asylum
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Interesting ending, especially with the main character being homicidally insane. But there was a lot of wandering around through a maze of pretty bland descriptions. More clues or hints about our state of mind would have spiced this up a bit. |
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YARD Mon Aug 28 12:43:17 2023 Lair Of The Troglodytes
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Excellent! I particularly like how besides the main plot, there are also the background details about the fate of the three lost warriors who preceded you, which you mainly learn through making the wrong decisions. And of course, the weakness of Skuznut himself and even the clan itself are all well-conveyed, making this a very different experience from the most. Unfortunately, the one thing which it has in common with too many other stories on here is the lack of proofreading. Then again, better (20 years) late than never, right?
SPOILER
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| Yes I appreciate the corrections even after all this time. |
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A.E.Johnston Mon Aug 28 05:08:34 2023 General Chat |
Hi everyone, just checking in and glad that’s the site is doing well. Just wanted to chime in regarding William Adam, as I have actually done a lot of detailed research on his life. I would Highly recommend “Samurai William” by Giles Milton, it’s an enjoyable read and covers most of Adam’s life, including how he later helped establish trade in Japan. I’ve actually thrown around some ideas for a gamebook with him as a main character ( and no coincidence that the name of the protagonist in my last gamebook was none other than a ‘William Adams’ :) ) |
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YARD Sun Aug 27 09:37:30 2023 Midnight Deep |
One last thing: in 40 (and the previous ref), there is no check in case you have no gold on you whatsoever. They also do not bother with the Gold Brooch, though if you already went on this path, the Brooch appears useless anyway? |
| It doesn't really make any difference, but I changed it so that it now takes account of you having no gold. It's reasonable to infer from context: "Your money or your life" that the robbers are only after gold pieces, not all gold items in general, so the brooch doesn't need to be an issue. |
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YARD Sun Aug 27 09:36:09 2023 Midnight Deep |
And this is mostly about grammar.
SPOILER
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YARD Sun Aug 27 09:34:51 2023 Midnight Deep |
Now, proofreading. I must note that this gamebook has a strange tendency not to use any periods or commas at the end of any quotations. I checked some other gamebooks, and this seems to be the only one like that. The next set is only about the missing punctuation. 3 "We'll starve, soon" + "don't know how much longer Varna has left" + " out of sight of the gates" + "maybe together you can do something" 19 "while I work" + he'd not have tolerated this" + "I hope you enjoy the bracelet. (missing quotation mark.) 44 "they attack our engineers" + " no escape by sea either" + "you need some sleep" + "in your errand" 46 "It's free" he tells you + "everybody indoors" 49 "Champion of Evil/Good/Neutrality" + "be upon each of you" (punctuation for all) 55 "Glantanka's rays" 90 "to destroy him" 111 "nothing to you" 118 "just stay and chat" 124 "the Champion of Good" + " for The Test" + "the Sword of Dusk" + "blessings upon another" 126 "out of the path of the onrush of mud." 128 to this place" + "if so I chose" + "Take this" 144 "You will need it" she whispers 170 "I am sorry" 199 "of the Good within" + "the symbol of healing and fertility" 201 "Let the child in, Osvaldo" + "looking for a handout" 208 "the Sword of Dusk" + "three Blades" + "able to proceed" + "unless your need is great" + "they did not" + "for himself" + "in fact" + "will be destroyed" 212 "and ourselves" 289 "or as good as" + " a gift suitable to a defender" + "by the might of Kulak himself" + "a friend here in Varna" 305 "yet never forgotten" 318 "this way" 364 "thank Kulak" + the harbour side district" 365 "not without alerting the entire horde" + "some other gap in the wall" + "you will be successful" 368 ""Looks tough for a refugee" one remarks. 373 "call on the mercy of Vanyr" 389 "your fate" 393 "until he is dead" 399 "he who serves himself" 400 "brave warrior" + "awaits you" 401 "I only hope I have taught you enough" (both subsequent quotations in that ref as well) 468 "to them" a man mutters |
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YARD Sun Aug 27 09:23:24 2023 Midnight Deep
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There's always an interesting sense of history when you comment on an online work that is now two decades old. When I first saw the title, I kept thinking of Midnight Special. Then I actually read the background and the first ref, and with a sigh, I realized this was going to be the Eragon of Fighting Fantasy Project. Unfortunately, my suspicions were proven correct later down the line as well, since several key plot beats are very obviously taken from far more famous works, with the kind of chutzpah most closely associated with Eragon. The internal narrative logic avoids some contradictions as glaring as in certain other gamebooks (i.e. ) but is hardly free of them.
SPOILER
For all that, I must say that the descriptions are good, and the final stretches are genuinely tense, which relatively few gamebooks manage to do. As long as you stick to the intended path, the writing is usually quite effective - and by intended path, I mean the route of Good, since there is just no real narrative logic to having the Good goddess speak directly to you, then pick one of the other two and THEN, if you succeed in stumbling onto the path they need, STILL undertake the trial as the Champion of Good. (For that matter, it feels like there's little narrative logic in the answer you must pick right before reaching the room of the final confrontation as well - it feels lifted out of a completely different kind of story.) It's obvious that the Good route got by far the most attention and the encounters there are genuinely pretty impressive. You also get to fight with the Pike there, which might be the coolest weapon I have seen in these gamebooks. (Perhaps it is cool, even, as it doesn't actually seem to subtract 1 from your Skill.) Certainly much better than the mace (which I hoped would at least be of use vs. the stone war machine, but to no avail) or the battle axe. I gave up on searching for the Neutral token after finding out that you'll be the Champion of Good no matter what, but the evil path is obviously an afterthought. That whole double choice of doors is at best a bow towards conventions and at worst there to pad out the number of references. Some other notes.
SPOILER
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YARD Sat Aug 26 15:15:03 2023 Soul Tracker |
Finally, proofreading: ARRIVAL: 1 and it isn't friendly. (missing quotation mark.) ARRIVAL: 2 "in the middle of hundreds or rioting football fans." ASCENSION: 2 "from the bowl of soup that Angela has place before him" BLOOD: 3 "The only thing else you find is a laminated card with the man's picture and the name "Neil Hampton" emblazoned underneath the letters DH." BORDER: 4 "She's quite headstrong, aint she?" CONSOLATION: 3 " "What a day," you breath(e?)" CRYPTIC: 2 "is a stone stature of a winged woman" DESTRUCTION: 3 "changed to an off-white hue.The pallor" ENERGY: 2 "As he gets closer, you see that his is wearing a long leather jacket similar to your own." FEAR: 2 "The fiend's claws rake your shoulder and you grunt in pain - lose 2 Life Points.However," GREED: 2 "by wondering why there need be" (?) HUNTED: 2 "You keep you eyes peeled" + "a rapid increase in humidity; - but you don't notice anything unusual." + "are approaching in a "wing" formation- the leader" IMPLORE: 1 "I believe that it just might case" INFIRMARY: 4 "She covers the dolls "ears" " KERNEL: 1 "although you notice several crushed autos on the street, no doubt accidents caused by panicked individuals running into traffic." (did crowds crush entire cars? Or should it be crushed BY autos?) KERNEL: 3 "Here's flier with information" + "they're the gentleman attired in the red overcoats." LUST: 3 "Drago reaches gown," MEMORY: 1 "and fells one of them" (?) NIGHTSTALKER: 4 "a pair of marble statues depicting a youth and maiden" + "man in a business suit that (who?) doesn't seem" OMNIPOTENT: 2 "You nod slowly to Angle." OMNIPOTENT: 4 "This book came form the central library," ORPHIC: 1 You immediately begin thinking about possible ways to circumvent your next obstacle; as you do, the screech of an SN drifts down to you. Glancing up, you see its red form floating lazily against the sun; as it doesn't appear to be an immediate threat you are just about to turn back to the roadblock when something catches the corner of your eye, QUARTER: 4 "a risky move for all concerned ?" (extra space). QUELL: 4 "You list perilously low to port - indeed, your knee momentarily scrapes the ground- but then" REGENERATION: 1 " "Wait, he's coming around."Your eyes" REVENGE: 3 "makes full contact- your senses" TORMENT: 1 "it dispenses a high a high voltage shock to your system." URBAN: 2 "waddling towards you as fast its meaty limbs will carry it." WITHER: 2 "the dirt parched and cracked form lack of moisture." WITHER: 3 "One group of older men sitting on a stone bench men playing chess look up " + " A moveable kabob stand" YOKE: 1 "Question is, how's he dong it?" ZEPHYR: 3 "the venom in is tone" ZODIAC: 3 "We've just got get over there and take care of business," |
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YARD Sat Aug 26 15:13:10 2023 Soul Tracker |
I suppose that another similarity between the two is that both are bombastic, featuring a lot of "badass" sequences of deeply variable plausibility, yet are tempered with some moral and socioeconomic insights as well. This one certainly goes much heavier on the former, often very clearly styled after a Hollywood action movie: Outsider! did have more than a few scenes where the right thing to do was the quiet one, which is all-but-unthinkable here - and here, even the wrong, or completely skippable sequences are quite exciting. (I.e. I had no idea the motorcycle chase was that good for most of my runs, since I usually just went in with the weapons which mopped them up quickly and obviated the need for that.) On the other hand, the scenes of the election rally are fun, but nowhere near as extensive as paragraphs and paragraphs of Altgarten's socioeconomic development. (Or with Zamarra's own wry observations interleaved throughout, for that matter.) However, it does have an unexpected parallel on the true path
SPOILER
And while I'm not exactly enthused about noir-style protagonists having to have "Max Payne backstories", HELPLESS: 1 and the subsequent ref was genuinely well-done. While I hate the path you needed to take to get there, LOVE: 1 was also excellent, as are a few other "narrative" refs I can't quite name. On the other hand, Darkheart Enterprises is about on par with CabalCo from Blood: The Chosen, and along with the protagonist's name, it feels rather too much. Here are some sorta-spoilery things I'll just describe as NARRATIVE LOGIC
SPOILER
Altogether, still a cool experience, though personally less satisfying than it could have been. |
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YARD Sat Aug 26 15:12:08 2023 Soul Tracker
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FINALLY! Out of all the gamebooks I played on here, this stands out even next to the similar-sized ones that are also labelled "hard" - Outsider!, The Trial Of Allibor's Tomb, A Princess Of Zamarra and Rise Of The Night Creatures (that last one technically smaller in terms of overall reference count, yet greater linearity makes its "true route" feel as long as the one in its 400-500 ref peers) for how obscure the options to reach the true ending really are, and how easy it is to think yourself on the right path until you hit the same DEFEAT: 3 and DESTRUCTION: 3 walls yet again. In most of the aforementioned ones, it is at least quite clear what you were lacking whenever you fail near the end, and what you should be searching for next time. (Though Rise Of The Night Creatures makes some of those searches dependent on literal LUCK rolls.) Outsider! does share in the dubious honour of having a fail ending which gives basically no hint what you should have done differently - though it is at least offset by having easier alternate endings which I honestly consider superior to the intended ones. Both here and there, you essentially have to rely on out-of-narrative logic to find the way to win.
SPOILER
(Continued below.) |
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YARD Sat Aug 26 05:23:23 2023 Sharkbait's Revenge |
Oh, and if "punctuation relating to quotations" is about the upper-case vs. lowercase right after quotations, I should note that seemingly every other gamebook I can think of uses lowercase. (i.e. ref 7 in The Word Fell Silent.) |
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YARD Sat Aug 26 05:20:46 2023 Sharkbait's Revenge 
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All right, all challenges done! I obviously did find ref 38 now, but I still think that using the scrolls should do something in the aforementioned refs 112, 5 or 77. There is no way that particular character wouldn't have reacted to those being in your presence! You even get "Galron is not here" when you try to use them some of the unrelated refs (perhaps that short message ref should trigger every time you try to use the scrolls on any refs besides the right one and those?), but there, it's just nothing. Also, in the same ref 38: "'Thankyou!' He exclaims and hugs you." 28 "and plunges his sword in one of the soldier's neck." (?) 58: "There are three other places which may be interesting : a bathhouse," I also just noticed this at 78
SPOILER
and at 16
SPOILER
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| Why should the scrolls do anything at 112, 5 or 77 ? The character in question isn't there, and even if he was, why would he react to them being in your possession? He would only know that you had them if you showed them to him. |
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YARD Fri Aug 25 16:10:15 2023 Hunger Of The Wolf
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My mini-quest of playing through all of Kieran's works is now complete! With that, I might as well give a personal ranking for all of them. * A Princess Of Zamarra * The Word Fell Silent * A Strange Week For King Melchion The Despicable * Hunger Of The Wolf * A Knight's Trial * Waiting For The Light * A Midwinter Carol You can tell that this story is Kieran's first work as the writing style is notably less sharp, the characters less memorable and, of course, the story much more linear than in the works I rated above it, not to mention more altogether conventional than pretty much anything he wrote since. There are also some contrived moments the later works tend to be much better at avoiding.
SPOILER
At the same time, it is still a perfectly good high fantasy adventure, with a fairly diverse range of creatures and encounters involved throughout. I particularly liked the Firefox and manticore fights mechanically (and a felinaur one stylistically), but there were enough other neat encounters as well, all reasonably balanced. Now, proofreading: 119 "and a woman and her two daughter are sheltering" 172 "to see a red and blue parrot perched on a nearby branch . 'Follow me,' " (extra space) + perhaps "trying to decide what route" (not which?) 271 "Eventually you emerge on to the balcony" 296 "A group or orcs that had been" 399 "done you,' you ask." (should be a ? instead of a ,)? 349 - might misspell the name of a Council's member. There are also quite a few moments which seem to be missing dashes where they would have come in handy: i.e. "a rather repulsive looking" at 116. |
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YARD Fri Aug 25 11:55:13 2023 A Knight's Trial
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So, when I commented on Waiting for the Light just earlier, it was mainly to suggest that this kind of a story would have worked better if its underlying purpose was better concealed by genre trappings. It appears that Kieran had reached the same conclusion himself only a few years later (and over a decade ago) with this work! Now, I'll have to say that one of my favourite parts of Kieran's best works (A Princess of Zamarra, The Word Fell Silent and A Strange Week For King Melchion The Despicable - possibly Hunger Of The Wolf too, which is next on my list) is the subversive humour, the "grime" of his worlds and the frequently ambiguous moral standings of his characters (both leading roles and the supporting cast.) As such, I cannot enjoy this one as much for the simple reason that the Arthurian setting is obviously rather inhospitable to those three elements. It's not impossible for an Arthurian story to incorporate them (Pendragon does a pretty good job with all three, even if other flaws compromise it in the long run), but not in combination with the particular twist used here. I still think that this is a good work, and certainly superior to Waiting for the Light (let alone A Midwinter Carol) - just not one of my personal favourites. It being a Windjammer entry means I cannot really criticize it too harshly either, considering the time limits of that competition. The other, 100-ref limit, thankfully causes almost no situations when you feel overly constrained in the options available. Only exceptions I can think of is the inability to simply tip over the barrel of skulls at 48, or to try any of the heavier armour at 27. Mechanically, my only concern is that the complete lack of any healing might be taking the theme a little too far. You can know everything you need to do to win, and still be sure just enough rolls wouldn't turn against you at any point. In some gamebooks, this can be a source of tension (i.e. Nye's Song), but for whatever reason, this doesn't really come through here. At the same time, I thought highly of the way you first need to elevate your starting skill, and then might end up seeing it reduced in various encounters which reinforce the theme. Finally, proofreading. 13 " but you walk straight into another wall.Suddenly the walls" (missing space) + "their resistance ceases laving you to" 20 "You the figure" (?) 34 " "than you have any logical reason to do." (is "do" needed here?) + " some battles need (to?) be fought alone" 39 "As you walk in between each pair thought," (?) 40 "cheer the imps on unison," 41 "The handsome knights shakes his head." 43 That run-on sentence which takes up almost four lines feels in need of extra punctuation - perhaps something between "play with" and "there is"? 60 "This is it the day we've been working towards for months: your trial." (Possibly a missing comma?) 61 "extend from the tripods base" 68 "No sooner have you picked up this book than the other fall to the ground with a dull thud." (Probably others?) + "Apparently to find the sword you need (to?) "follow the written word." " 74 "a section of the eastern wall slide back to reveal" 76 "The hideous undead monstrousity" + "As you look on, the foul former woman he battles" (unneeded comma?) 90 "ice-cold talon seizing ahold of" I love this. 83 "'An arbitrary decision,' remarks Lancelot. 'But sometimes our fate is in the hands of such things. Which route shall we take?' " and this. 58 "you stand in sullen silence, too ashamed to join the conversation now, feeling like a child among adults; no warrior at all." 103 "If you win," - should probably be "as you win"? |
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YARD Thu Aug 24 15:05:16 2023 Escape Neuburg Keep
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Meh. Other than this website, I mainly play rogueli(k/t)e games nowadays, and this reminds me of nothing more than Fear and Hunger. It had a similar torture keep setting (albeit you were more active protagonist there) and it had a similar feeling of the story essentially going through the motions of ticking off every awful thing it could think of, with no real imagination spared for anything else. Then again, I got more-or-less from the author's other works on here as well. Proofreading: 2 "you watch helpless as an" + "a voice wakens your from your slumber" 5 "is thrown in to the cell" "his ankles are a part" 6 "Will you reply that know nothing of this guild" 10 "that it at this very moment" 24 "The torture takes a collar" + "and you chin is rested" 27 "and your tossed onto" + "in who was chained" 28 "by slithering there blood-sucking tentacles" 30 "the remains... is still concealed" |
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YARD Thu Aug 24 12:38:51 2023 The Word Fell Silent
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So far, Kieran is definitely my favourite author on here! Other than those 50-ref experiments, his works succeed at truly placing you into the mindset of unconventional characters with unconventional, yet firmly held goals, surrounded by a memorable and well-defined cast. Further, they provide a great range of choices and branching outcomes, all while remaining completely logical. This story is no exception! I reached the successful ending (ref 100) via two different paths when I started writing this. I at first assumed that since it is only 100 refs altogether, and there are some unpredictable refs like the random misfortunes which may befall the ships you travel on, that this would be it, and began writing this. Then, I remembered briefly spotting one more character, and found not just his ending, but a whole lot of refs in the city of Rhodes that are a welcome surprise. I can only think of one notable flaw, and it's the one this story would share with Outsider!, the most prominent tale about assassination here.
SPOILER
Some have made a complaint that the ending is less significant than it could have been, but it's just as easy to argue that this is the very point, so I'm not holding it against the story. With my recommendation of the story itself complete, it's time for the now-usual business of typo-hunting! 7 "before his thrown is transfixed by a hurled javelin." 11 " the awareness that you are the only member of the crew still alive slowly dawning you" 51 "you have no choice (but?) to agree." 61 "your heart goes out to this beautiful brave girl.Will you:" 64 "after witnessing your magnificent shot.." 66 "you have travelled hundreds of league to" 74 "' you begin, 'that" 79 'Doesn't look too valuable, but might be worth a coin or two. (missing apostrophe.) 81 "A burly Nubian slave watches closes and then in a booming voice he commands you both to start." 85 "Does he now?' say Zohar softly," Ref 76 has an issue that's not a typo per se, but is of a similar nature and would appear to be quite a blemish.
SPOILER
And another thing which could be a significant error, though I am not sure about it.
SPOILER
On the gameplay side, I wish ref 85 (or its archery alternative) had restored at least some of your stamina, as that would seem very reasonable given the description, and the likelihood you would have arrived there after a fight. The naval journey you get after success only restoring 2 Stamina afterwards in spite of taking "a long time" seems unnecessarily stingy. |
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Fixed these typos and the ones you have so far mentioned elsewhere. At reference 76, "corn" is correct, it is only in American English that the word specifically refers to maize rather than any cereal crop. As for God, I don't really see any need to apply conventions used by modern-day Jews writing in English to the translated thoughts and speech of biblical-era Judeans. |
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