a ghost town in a months' time 402 Investigate "Zarquons exotic goods" + no punctuation at the end of the options 404 in the inns loft. 405 a dying mans last breath + the World-Flame".With that + the intruders grasp 407 the tide "In these dark times + 408 inside of them. there are 409 well trodden 412 eh!" he says "Well + the cawing of the Ravens have fallen silent. 417 over the bridge "Tribute bearer" + common tongue "Follow me" 419 one blood filled breath 422 vicious looking grin "I see 424 grips you tighter "You lie; south road is safe to all those who friends of goblins, west road far more dangerous."Do you 431 into the statues side. 434 the rents in your tents canvas. 435 into the creatures face 436 the King" reads one + is Nigh!" reads + another "The Gods 439 Undeterred you send (comma?) 441 he is" The guardsman cries + his animal "Now do 442 He is right to be afraid you attack, pressing his backwards with your blade (?) + stab him In the chest 443 deflected by the steeds steel armour. 455 over you "no matter 460 the keeps parapets 465 my mind at ease" Thrunvir says 468 The only evidence of its presence the trail of hot dark blood it leaves behind it. 475 attack me" You snarl + with blood "The Necromancer + knows" He + replies "He knows + idle threats" You + respond "Who is this + the world" Frejun + whispers "There 476 closer to the lakes centre
490 You see little in the way of wildlife however (comma?) 491 at the caverns side. 493 to worship me" (missing period). 501 good citizen!" he cries "I presume + continues "The town 502 Investigate "Zarquons exotic goods"? 504 about this" replies the innkeeper "Recently + Lose 1 STAMINA.Eventually + just leavin'" he says "I've 505 the other mages useless attacks
507 a whales head 515 it blasts it way 522 fool" He screeches, his speech barely comprehensible "WHERE IS MY TRUBUTE". 524 told me to" You shrug 531 smashes against the statues side 536
a nasal voice "Magnolio 540 the guards' body crumples to the floor. 556 mortal" A voice + mortal" It + hisses "I have 569 pinning it to the chests floor. + you are sure that (it?) is dead. + serves as Thrunvirs chancellor 581 with pent up energy 591 Greenlander" he snaps "you 599 in your crystals light, 603 gold pieces" he says "This is 611 to the world-flame (capitalization?) 619 towards the waterfalls edge 625 over the waterfalls top 636 By now they are deep in the crowd still clustered around the ridiculous figure of Magnolio. (comma?) 639 how it's going to be" The Guardsman says, as though disappointed "I warned 644 hiding in.The ruffian + and speaks "It is dangerous 646 a muscle" Barks + the man "You can 648 the temples roof 654 who I am" He croaks + mane of his hair "I swear 655 Ragnar wheezes "This road 657 of the fireballs impact 658 The Gods faces 661 to you "If I were you
662 the bars "If you 664 nearby growls "I can't believe it + Thrunvir speaks "It seems 665 picking the doors lock 671 that merchants need wear armour 677 The grass covered tundra (hyphen?) + and the occasionally black basalt outcrop (?) 678 in the creatures head 685 knee deep mud 686 a feather strewn spear
104 the streets" Growls the barman "It'll 105 your question "Recently 106 Sheltering behind a crenellation a guardsman looks towards you. (comma?) + he topples off of the wall. (?) 108 at you "Look 109 You slip between the crack between the doors (into?) 112 to exact as much gold (extract?) 119 mighty catapaults 124 the tribute" you tell him "but he + nods vigorously "I make sure 132 137 a look of pained surprised 140 "Please" he + whispers "spare me. 141 you hear the horses approach. 142 of the mercenaries' horse (why plural?) + Without warning the horse bucks. (comma?) 144 his horses breath 154 towards the valleys mouth. 155 resignation in his eyes "May the Gods save us from righteous men" he mutters 156 burnt out farmstead 165 Say that the goblins plan to march south, not north? 169 over the chests bottom 173 to the gamblers shoulder. + for it!" he demands + the window "Get out of here, sorcerer" he grunts. 174 Frejuns bolt arcs + pushed by Frejuns magic + your shields energy 182 wisp like bodies
205
your question "The world 209 journey" one says 211 by a thousand razor sharp cuts. 212 Here its goblins 223 a double bladed war axe 236 Silence forgotten you grab the bow 238 where I've come from" She whispers. 239 understand?" He + says "I am 240 deflecting the poleaxes head when you can. 242 in one of your spells eddies + As his horse neighs piteously (pitifully?) 243 Without warning the horse bucks. (comma?) 246 booms out over the water "Stop or die!" 254 its now fallen assailant. 255 the World-Flames energies 257 to get as far away from the bonfire and its infernal custodian. (as possible?) 258 Now inside your blades reach 263 his eyes lighting up "How 270 – space after “a food stall”. 273 as the inns patrons dash 279 to its uneasy rest.Before 297 the mountains icy wrath.
304 recruit" one of them + gold pieces" he declares "seven minus” 305 who answers your question "As 306 emotionless voice "For the crime 308 Gods" She states "But beware 321 After an hour or so you heading through the forest you reencounter + as a result a leafy green canopy 322 at last" He growls + surprisingly accurate the common tongue 324 the north. (no capitalization?) + is south" He says; + The trees beckons you 334 Silhouetted by the moons light 338 He see's your advance 343 his now useless lance away + a two handed broadsword. 345 "There he is!" he cries jubilantly, "now do what you've been paid for". 354 You dance rings around it your sword cleaving into its thick hide. (comma?) + against a carriages wreckage + calls out weakly "I am not 357 to face the Fire elemental (capitalization?) 361 in the rooms centre. 362 the bars "If you try 363 Eastern road" You say. + "Aha!" Cries + lighting up "Only a day + no punctuation at the options. 365 The creature that kneels before (us?) 366 the snow-storms that rage continuously around her slopes makes 369 the scorpions poison 370 – no punctuation at the end of the options. 373 and I might not kill you" he whispers. 379 the Wyrms great green eyes 397 sickening smile "Help me!" comes a plea from within them "If there's anyone out there!"
And one surprising issue which had somehow slipped the creator's mind is that your magic usually receives so little reaction from everybody else.
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i.e. I would have expected that after you ended up illuminating the goblins at night with fireballs in full sight of all the guards, they would have tried to do ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING in their power just to keep you fighting on their side. Later, you apparently wreck plenty of people's dwellings if you used FORCE on the corrupt guard, and there's again no real reaction. There's even some unintentional comedy when that guard cares neither about your magic shield nor your fireballs, immediately blocking them with his cloak with nary a shrug: it makes him look like Ron Swanson or some other sitcom character who just doesn't care about fancy BS and powers through regardless.)
Similarly, I expected more of a downside to unlocking the western gate, from outright dying to at least seeing the archers take pot shots at you. All because the implications of someone capable of just single-handedly opening up the centerpiece of your defence just walking out there, aligned with who knows what, should by all rights be terrifying to the city.
If anything, THAT would have warranted sending out a knight: as it is, the strangely silent knight who sticks around instead of fleeing for completely unclear reasons (certainly not honour or the like, else he wouldn't have been defending the guard in the first place) is a really strange replacement encounter. The inability to loot anything worthwhile from him is an icing on the cake: I was hoping you could take his gloves or something, and use them to handle Fire Elemental's gift.
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Some minor things which I don't quite get.
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How come an earth elemental is just made of rocks, and the fire elemental is fire and charcoal, yet the water elemental is not pure water and actually has flesh which other fish can eat?
Why can’t we try LEXICON at the book in 167?
I am not sure about the point of asking you if you want to enter the Raven Man's place or not AFTER you had already expended the unlocking spell on it.
I also hope there's going to be more context about the mechanical stuff in the sequel, since right now, getting that key for 6 pieces seems like a complete waste in all senses of the word. For that matter, it feels like paying for incense only makes sense if you want to support the temple's work, as the shrines only seem to offer healing, which is not really needed if you planned things out right?
There's some confusion about one character's name: it's Xenophont at 5, 105 and 205, yet Xenophon at 405 and 505.
At 304, the room is said to cost 3 pieces, yet it costs 2 at 104.
END SPOILER
I have also discovered some outright software bugs.
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Firstly, at 474, Cast Force instead sends you to 275 – as well as somehow giving you 255 arrows.
And at 648, the option to go temple's interior somehow takes you to 549 instead.
If you defeat the mounted mercenary rider at 42, you are taken to 442, where he is dismounted.Yet, if you dismount the knight at 243 or 343, you are still taken to 44 if you win or 144 if you lose, and he is mounted in both.
END SPOILER
Finally, proofreading. Here, it's going to have to take up multiple comments once again. The issue with the lack of punctuation around quotations is the most prominent, but sadly there's a lot more than that - to the point I ended up intentionally triggering obvious trap options just for testing.
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2 are you" The guardsman 4 upon the barkeeps face 5 the Artificers foundry + the Mages College (?) + speaks "Rise + reached Innshelm" you reply "At present + wise" responds Atarxes "every 7 the crenulations (double l?) + attract the goblins arrows 11 A flock of ravens burst (?) 13 but I wondering (am?) 16 But you not focus on them (?) + into the wild mans chest 22 mighty catapaults + an entrance "Graznak is inside 23 then show it to me" Graznak interrupts 36 flutter from the keeps parapets 38 go through?" he says "Well + a day" you shout + you're right" quips one "but + killed!" .They 40 it's going to be" The Guardsman + disappointed "I warned you 44 avoiding the weapons deadly point. 49 across the valleys mouth. 61 "Hello there" croaks + crone "It's good 70 grave news!" You say + go to Frejuns chamber + to put him to the question (to questioning?) 73 The taverns clients lean back 77 Dusting the lakes snow 78 The beasts gaping nostrils quiver 79 its less protected sides + is short lived. 81 of the villagers bodies.
So, by and large, this is very good. While I generally have a preference for dark fantasy, I started with relatively low expectations here, since the background, with its obvious inspirations from Dark Souls, is very familiar nowadays. (Admittedly, when this was written a decade ago, "Soulslike" wasn't really a thing yet, so in some ways it was hit by something beyond its control.) On the other hand, you can draw the parallels with more classic (J)RPG plots as well (substitute "flame" for " crystal" and you have the archetypal early Final Fantasy plot).
Nevertheless, Richard Evans places a lot of effort in wringing every last drop of atmosphere out of the premise he went with. I appreciate a lot that the story is not grimdark in a way so many lesser writers approach these things, with overblown atrocities and tortures all over the place and blending into one boring mess. Instead, it's a far more understated yet unmistakable portrayal of a land where everyone does what they think is right, but is ultimately out for themselves ahead of anything else, regardless of how they choose to justify it (if they bother to). Unexpected details like the surprisingly heartwarming glimpse into the mind of two trolls at ref 121 make it all the more convincing. Same goes for when a mundane event (settling to sleep) which would be brushed over in any other story suddenly gets several extra choices and becomes an exhibition of how far your character's paranoia might have gone by then.
This story's 700 refs are put to a great use as well, as while there are deceptively not that many routes at first glance, they expand into a wide range of encounters. Even the goblin army is far more interesting than usual due to being an actual army, making up for their weakness with remarkable organization, and an act of simply charging a sentry is imbued with surprising weight at ref 418 - and that's before we get to the sheer number of choices available to try besides that cool (yet obviously stupid) thing to do. Most of the other encounters involve creatures you may not expect to see at all, and are more interesting still. There are not just choices thanks to spells, but often additional choices thanks to their implications. The moment when casting a Levitate spell suddenly expanded into a choice of three targets was a good example.
Unfortunately, this work is somewhat uneven. As impressive as those "extra" choices, ones which could have been absent and you wouldn't have guessed it, are (everything you can do while looting a certain corpse, itself in a rather out-of-the-way location, is another example, as the options in a tavern you shouldn't really attend in the first place), there are a few things which feel like glaring omissions, and detract from the impression more than I would have liked to admit.
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In particular, it's incredible that once you have survived the first night, absolutely nobody cares about your sun badge – not any of the guards, who might perhaps have considered it evidence of desertion (granted, you would have presumably been smart enough to hide it, but there is at least one circumstance where your stuff gets searched) and not the royalists at Surlgrad, who absolutely do search you. The first few runs, I kept avoiding the entrance because I was convinced they would shoot on sight if you have the badge (although, ref 36 somehow tells you that there are banners over Surlgrad BUT NOT WHICH INSIGNIA THEY ARE FLYING, which is a frustrating omission if you listened to the merchants earlier). Further, I really expected Frejun to claim that your badge must mean that you have murdered the King yourself once you do present the crown.
Another incredible omission is right at the start of the eastern route. While the reference to Souls' Patches is fun, I really don't understand why you can use Levitate soften the fall at 462, but not when about to fall through a bridge, or to try and and get up over the hut's spiked wall?
Usually published works end up free to the public after 50yrs. Unless someone takes new ownership but if the authors die their work is rendered public eventually. Like with LOTR, and all classical works. That's what I meant. But would would FF look like fifty years from now? Would anyone care? Or would there be something that has replaced it by then. I guess that if it's not possibly important by then as it is now, it doesn't matter. Our kids may pass down the generations of greenspines, jagged lines, and reprints but unless there is movies of FF made? 50yrs from now is just 50yrs and a box full of old weird books in an attic or basement or garage labelled what "My grandparents used to read"
How did one of Obsidian's leaders get a life sentence even after cooperating, yet a traitor to P.I.s who went rogue and got at least two important people killed only got five years?
And if von Rhein's research is so important, and he lives in Berlin, then how was he even able to get to Polaris without any agencies taking notice and attempting to stop him from leaving, or at least to escort him once he's there? Same goes for his assistant, for that matter. It's weird to see him telling the news about the club with no explanation that it's on Polaris, as if everyone watching on Earth or other worlds is supposed to know where exactly it is.
END SPOILER
Process-related weirdness.
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I think it says that Energizer Capsules heal 6 Stamina points when you first buy them, yet they actually restore 4?
Does Sighted Rifle actually add 1 Skill?
Gas Mask does not protect from Dire Wolf's Sentinel's gas?
Why does a guy in a thermal suit care about a bullwhip?
END SPOILER
And finally, proofreading.
SPOILER
This story insists of writing "co-ordinates" and "no-where" like this, seemingly in contradiction to modern accepted grammar rules.
1
"Estimated landing time fifteen minutes, en-counting..."
"The correct custom is usually (for?) the guest to ask for 'room service'! "
141
"so well armed."
158
"you have to re-assess" + "It's a good place as any" (as good a place as any?) + "the business (end?) of the city." + "enticing those to dare their luck and risk their money." (who dare to?)
162
"the words 'Access Achieved' flashes repeatedly." (singular vs. plural)
165
"ipping wine from fluted glass" (glasses?) + "to give vent a scream." (?)
182
"terrorism might slowly spread into the Hostile Territories."
197
"was so well protected"
200
"Colonel Aaron Drake is one of few humans ever to have been born on Earth." (???)
218
"a waitresses approaches you;"
219
"A fact that the Polaris Bear took advantage" (of?)
253
"is no-where to be seen"
279
"with some co-ordinates" (twice)
309
" this area is known to" (for?) + "their problematical contents" (problematic?)
314
"What miracle is this? your mind shouts." (quotation marks?)
323
"You've heard tell of such headstrong pioneers" + "of modern day adventurers" (hyphen?)
341
"It's lacquered black chasse" (Its, and chassis?)
343 Your knife blade (apostrophe?)
354
"Bionic hands flex, their steely grip brandish laser scalpels." (?)
357
"how little defensive methods have changed little"
367
"in the Federations secret network" + "was attracted by an alternative lifestyle" (to?)
373
"Chaser lines (up?) his rifle"
376
"You find him sprawled on the paving."
484
"the more of us there is"
END SPOILER
You may have noticed that people are no longer able to agree to disagree. Please don't bring any more divisive political ranting here.
Well, I have recently been complaining that an unfortunate number of stories here end up too short. This is particularly acute when they happen to be at mere 50 refs, but some of the 100-200 ref stories can also feel "cramped", with completely reasonable choices or important detail left out.
This happens to be the absolute first time when I felt the opposite - finding that the story really, really drags and wishing it would end already. And no, it's not length in and of itself: this work is at 380 refs, while A Princess of Zamarra is at 500 refs and is so far my favourite work on here (though I expect/hope Ulysses Ai's sci-fi series & The Diamond Key to at least give stiff competition once I get to them!) Further, Soul Tracker is at 400 refs and Outsider! is at 458: I have some notable misgivings about both, yet altogether, they are both interesting and impressive works (at least as far as genre fiction goes), which make great use of their length and are consistently exciting throughout. Not so here - I don't use the word "tedious" lightly, but it fits this story all too well. I won on the 4th try
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Having previously lost to a cyborg at the laser tag hall, to staying behind to loot and to a grenade-induced avalanche, respectively.
END SPOILER
And I audibly muttered something unprintable in disappointment by the time
SPOILER
the Globosphere was finally secured, yet there was still that stupid search for a random assassin and then that final confrontation.
END SPOILER
The plot is just really uninteresting, since you are fighting completely random terrorists who do not seem to have any real cause for the longest time - and the one passing reference to their goal being to cause a "new dark age" around halfway point hardly helps to make them more compelling. Everything about them feels completely arbitrary, and there is so little reason to care. The sidekick isn't the worst, I suppose, but the banter is nowhere near as good as in Soul Tracker and not enough to keep you invested - not when the antagonists are completely lackluster and the supporting characters are usually those who blurt out ridiculous amounts of helpful information after hardly any prompting to you, strangers they have just met. Ref 134, where massively important secrets about the terrorists are revealed over drinks in a night club controlled by said terrorists, in full earshot of anybody who could have taken interest, is the absolute worst for this. The descriptive writing is not bad, but it feels stronger in many other gamebooks on here, and is certainly not strong enough to save this one.
Another one of the bite-sized 50-ref adventures on here. I maintain that the format is nearly always too small, and at least 70 are needed (i.e. Lair of the Troglodytes) to help avoid the right path feeling insubstantial, as seen with many comments here. Perhaps the only exception I recall is The Cold Heart Of Chaos, which had a more reasonable main path length due to being a lot more linear (and heavy on skillchecks) than this and most other stories of this size. Well, and I guess Impudent Peasant! felt good at 50 refs and quite a bit of freedom, but it did seem to have a lot more text per ref than is usual for these stories as well.
The background here is VERY heavy on references to canon books, possibly setting a record of sorts. The adventure itself feels like Bad Moon Rising where your character can actually die - and not just because both are set in tombs! Besides that, I found the writing of some "action scenes" really reminiscent - refs like 6 or 45 (or the ultimately doomed alternative to 45) are just really cool. Generally, the writing flows well, there are a lot more incidental characters than you might expect from its length and they all do their best to leave an impression, and the final bad ending is actually quite impressive. I also like that unlike too many other stories, this one has been pretty thoroughly proofread already.
At the same time, I am really glad that there are two possible ways to win - in part because viable choices are good, sure, but mostly because one of those ways makes absolutely no sense.
SPOILER
What were those bellows even meant to do originally? Why on Titan did Lucius keep them there, in spite of his whole mistwalker habit? It feels about as contrived as the whole "bottle with powerful restorative potion just randomly floats down the river past your boat" in Rebels of the Dark Chasms.
END SPOILER
Some other encounters also seem weird, particularly considering your stated background.
SPOILER
How did you survive Deathtrap Dungeon in the first place if a single, old guy with a broken sword and Skill 6 was able to instantly kill you? Or indeed, if a single disembodied head was able to ambush you and immediately knock out your sword, regardless of Skill?
For that matter, an EMPTY BOTTLE dealing 4 damage (i.e. twice as much as a sword strike) is incredible, in a bad way. You would also think that someone who had survived a whole gamebook before would know wear a freaking helmet? Or should we take this as a sign that Hakasan Za really was the canonical protagonist of Deathtrap Dungeon, since she also does not seem to like helmets, as seen from the illustrations?
END SPOILER
Some comments on the mechanics as well.
SPOILER
At 14, you lose your sword and fight with a branch, of all things, yet receive no Skill penalty? Those heads are certainly weak enough that you would expect the penalty to be in place. (Not to mention you would expect the Dwarf's axe to be more effective than makeshift clubs.) There is also no Skill penalty at 44?
The Club is not actually added to inventory at 67/63.
Talking to Gunben makes no difference in how you choose to approach 7?
Does the scorpion instakill you at 54 if it wins a round, or only if it rolls double sixes?
Luck point additions are a little irrelevant in the digital version.
END SPOILER
Lastly, I mentioned that the story has already been proofread quite well, so there's not much for me to point out this time.
So, this was quite an adventure. Neither the best nor the worst on here; in fact, quite far from either! There's a lot of good atmosphere: I particularly liked how the skill checks took your non-human nature into account, or how companions could force you into doing things the certain way. In general, the encounters felt very appropriate to the location. At the same time, there are also no memorable characters to be found, and few surprises in writing.
There are some unwelcome surprises in gameplay, though, as while the choices directly in front of you usually lead to logically predictable outcomes for once, (in sharp contrast with something like Hellfire/Riders of the Storm, where the opposite of logical action was more often than not the right one), it is only through blind luck or the process of elimination that you are going to discover which path and series of turns in the road will actually let you win. I.e. the most important item needed to win is found in an incredibly contrived manner. Perhaps Chasms of Malice somehow justifies that find, but I doubt it.
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Do the numbers on the bottles have any additional significance? In Chasms of Malice, was there any sort of an episode which could have had plausibly resulted in that bottle getting dropped into the river, or is it all just a complete coincidence? If the latter, then it would seemingly make far more sense to just get it from Goranthian, since it's not like you can bypass it if you want to win.
END SPOILER
There are other encounters where the 150-ref size feels limiting, as your choices seem overly constrained - i.e. that moment early on when our only options after encountering a goblin are to stay and watch or leave, and no way to just attack immediately while he's distracted? Granted, most of them are on paths that are already dead-ends, but they still stick out in the moment. I.e.
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We are suspicious of that Gaddon in the web, yet if we don't turn around and attack him on the spot, we still decide to tell him everything, with no option to be more economical with the truth? Further, our character is apparently ready to go and attack a Gaddon who had just been trapped in a web because he finds it suspicious he didn't sense it, but when faced with a chef who actually works for the enemy, even if as a slave, we cannot actually threaten him to get him to talk in any way? Nor, for that matter, can we attempt to loot provisions from the kitchen, regardless of his objections?
END SPOILER
One of the worst things, though, is that
SPOILER
if you know about the breach, then you can end up asking the ogre to join you, only to dismiss him and any other companions two refs later. Even worse, is that you can somehow end up going from 88 to 116, which is just incredibly dumb. I really wish there was a non-Govanthian path where you used some tool to reach the bolts and lock the door after killing the torturer, then waited for a while inside, until your companions attacked at a predetermined time to make a distraction (strange that an exit strategy this obvious hasn't been considered, and you either throw them at the gate or dismiss them), and you could flee through the breach again. Perhaps you could even get the ogre to move the boulder for you. At that point, you might even be aided by Khuddam breaking down.
For that matter, it's strange that the scout could tell you about the breach, but not about the surrounding tunnels. (Perhaps you could at least remember which one to take through a Luck check?)
END SPOILER
Some other weirdness.
SPOILER
In 76, it doesn’t seem to make sense that we automatically accept rest, when just earlier, mere hours were so important.
At 119, are we supposed to believe that the Xokusai took everything else, but let him keep the magical axe?
Bottle #35 is not removed from your inventory after getting used?
I am pretty sure that screaming is the last thing one would be able to do after getting vocal chords melted by acid, but then again, it doesn’t really matter for this ending.
After Phil Sadler's gamebooks, it feels weird to fight a giant spider who doesn’t deal extra damage or anything due to its poison. However, the twist during the premature Khuddam fight was awesome!
That, and a successful stamina check at 63 which still ends your run is amazing. (Perhaps this even deserves the “intermediate” ending marker?)
Masterful. Simply masterful. Very strong descriptive writing, a convincing low-magic world, and simply excellent characterization of everybody. Even the single-scene POV character who appears for just the final ref is better written than the pivotal characters of too many other works.
It works well at what it sets out to do also, as even though there's a lot of text and relatively little room for choice in the opening stretches, it feels far more natural here than in, say, Above the Waves or Any Port in a Storm, which felt outright stifling. And of course, there's the battle which is perhaps not as extensively written as the author would have liked, but still has a fair room for variation (it felt amazing when, trying out a few things after already winning twice before, I actually managed to win without seeing the combat interface.) There's perhaps only a little weirdness which may not be intentional.
SPOILER
Around ref 45 can get Energy to 0 and still keep subtracting from it (though if that happens, you'll surely fall not long after anyway.)
Gouge is protected by his breastplate from getting crushed, yet your own breastplate does not protect your ribs at all when he is hurled at you? Does the breastplate actually make it more likely you get hit? Or is it simply irrelevant vs. the troll, much like the shield and helmet appear to be? After a few runs, including four victories, it felt like only the lantern actually made any real difference, and the other item could be literally anything?
Also still not sure about the box's relevance. My only guess is that it makes you more likely to get attacked first, but that could just be how the dice rolled behind the scenes that time.
I was going to say that it felt like you could keep "hanging back for now" to regenerate your energy with no seemingly no ill consequence - neither the risk of one of the companions getting killed, nor the risk of The Ravager regenerating a bit more. Then I tried it again, and noticed that it could lead to The Ravager just attacking you first, and potentially instakilling you.
END SPOILER
And of course, the now-traditional proofreading section. This wor
SPOILER
BEYOND THE JAW
Sometimes uses "nondescript" and sometimes "non-descript" + "Will you talk to :"
INTO THE PIT
"The soot covered ground" + "The pit is a large crater" + "within the pit" (capitalization?) + "and find a ravine stones that ends in a large cave." (?)
8
"you never forget that you are could at any moment"
9
light the cast iron stove. + "Just anything that can help us. (missing quotation mark.) + You also see a rude path leading up to a hilltop. (rude or crude?)
"that are the gristly work" (grisly?) + " until their hair faces and skin" (comma?) + "another broad flat stone covered in dark bloodstains a table;" (?) + "You can see only his legs" (only see?) + " but a intelligent being" (an?) + "all he meant to do was distract you." (to distract?) + " Dark grimed in armour" (?)
30
"it is been eaten on the spot." (being?)
35
"with one claw fingered hand" (hyphen?)
46
"to avoid breathing in ashes" (the?)
59
"Do you want to :"
64
"coming to seeing the smudged sky rippling above you"
66
"Do you want to :"
70
"As the sword comes free a agonising roar "
75
"Do you want to :"
80
"cold and careless his eyes" ("his" should probably be the first word here?)
87
"turn and stark to quietly follow"
90
" only a moments warning"
100
"a normal sized troll" + "seemed to be in earnest."
As I have been getting more and more (re)acquianted with Titan's canon, I began to wonder how well the stories I have already seen on here fit.
Upon closer look, I discovered that not only does the ref 109, which makes you fight two ettins as part of a group fight, arrive with zero context (you are literally told nothing about the creatures outside of their stats), but it seems like ettins are one of the seemingly few fantasy/folklore creatures to exist in D & D but not in Titan's canon to date. There's also the Formorian Giant (?)
At the same time, it's also technically possible this story isn't actually set on Titan in the first place, but rather just in Forgotten Realms or the like? The only thing which might place it in Titan seem to be references to Atlantis (when you get the steel body), but that seems to be in every fantasy setting anyway.
And once again:
SPOILER
15 "He stands at the end of a long red, carpet" - isn't the comma meant to be between long and red, not red and carpet?
This would have been so, SO good if it had more refs to flesh out each episode/location (perhaps as few as 50 extra would have done the trick) and used the Skill system of either Soul Tracker (optimally) or The Word Fell Silent (easier to implement, though probably less suitable than Soul Tracker's for a "combatless" gamebook)!
As it is, this Windjammer entry still boasts an unusual setting with some clever writing and a great cast of characters. Other than what seems like a bug or a typo (more on it below) there's a nary a bug or a poorly written moment, there's very considerable variety that's both background-dependent and skill-dependent, and even two viable endings. Alas, the way skills are all-or-nothing means that if you get the right combo, you'll see the run dominated by stretches where they carry the character on their own, without even needing your input. (The one other time on here I recall something like this was in Any Port in a Storm.)
Now, the aforementioned bug/continuity-breaking typo seems to be this:
SPOILER
9 asks "Do you want to radio Marlowe as planned" even if you had a Vendetta background and got ref 38 (or its equivalent with the machete?), which is obviously impossible. The next ref does say "Richard", though, so I would assume it's a typo.
END SPOILER
The other typos I spotted.
SPOILER
2
"Lets see how you fare!"
3
"Moment's pass with the crowd's attention fixed squarely on you, but nothing happens."
11
"He means business,"
5 "drives you forward.Will you"
18 – No punctuation at the end of options.
36 "that you work along side"
37 "Too many people now a days"
40 "Now indistinguishable from the other servers, join the waiters"
46 "all of them armed to the teeth" Durak keeps his eyes" (punctuation.)
52
"within seconds, the a dull roar"
63 "Leave and go shopping for supplies ?"
67 "with arms the size anchor chains,"
88 "this planes almost as old as I am"
90 "left for the then fledgling outpost"
END SPOILER
Regarding reference 9, I think you're right, it should just say Richard rather than Marlowe and then it all makes sense. Thanks for pointing these things out.
311 "something terrible has already started happen."
321 the skies are rapidly turning blue again and its clouds (?) + there bodies lying unmoving + as though he to had + and say what the word on the back. + making doubling up in pain. + the whole section will tile towards you (?) + closes his eyes and dies." (unneeded quotation?)
322 "Deduct another point from your STAMINA.From now on" (missing space.)
324 "trying to catch you up" + "Krackon"
326 "a very clean looking path" + "strong and team with life"
330
"because it doesn't effect"
331 "complements you"
332 "you hear footsteps or felt something close"
337
"you realise that it hasn't been speeded up at all" + " its vast, still boiling hot hands"
339 "of your fast diminishing strength to free your right arm and reach out for her out-stretched hand" + "she is no where to be seen"
347 "hanged for a witch" + "yes, he had seen the young women" + "by her ever present" + "Years past and the village soon began"
350 "rippling gentling through your body"
352 "starts to lope towards you"
362 "Its body is blood red" + "It's heads" + "roars the Night Demon sounding outraged." (comma?) + "The Demon prince" + "mortal? it asks" + "the only resemblance they bare to each other"
365
" no one there ... you are quite alone"
366 "in world record time"
369 "Not bad ... considering!" "next ... got it"
370 "fairy dust haven't you" + "just about some up the strength"
373
"with all manor of nameless horrors." + "back into the tree's welcoming shadows."
384
"the bird flaps its wing sand simply flies away. "
391
"and iron determination ... and win."
399 "seems to be composed of the limps" + "the thing starts to well up all around you and try to"
400 "the one spoke of in legends ou have been given two extra Health Potions.You gaze wearily round"
" and that will weaken it" + "the swords or claws the fight with" +" but screams can now be heard on the air" 409
"On past the deceased Hill Man," (once?)
457 |as though its bowing to you" +"could never again attack you again" + "The creature's great from" + "You chose a spot that catch as much sunlight as possible" + "and you make to step through the portal."
466
" more a reflex action than anything." (reflexive?) + "roughly dog sized" (hyphen?)
And as far as "gameplay" goes, I suppose I had to cheat here less than I did in Hellfire, which probably counts for something. I did not start looking at this comment section for hints until getting to Hell Demon, and I only started "right-clicking" around that point as well. There are only so many choices of direction in a row one can take when they typically come with zero indication of which would do what (a surprising devolution from Hellfire, which at least tended to leave more hints about its tunnel entrances), or which is the core and which is the branch (Hellfire at least kept pretty strongly to "north = leave area, try it last rule" and the sequel enjoys messing with it at all turns), which would let you backtrack and which won't and which would have unavoidable consequences as soon as you turn to that ref - even if in the narrative, IT WOULD SOMETIMES TAKE SEVERAL MILES OF WALKING before you get to the point that kills you or massively punishes you.
Another thing which makes the narrative here so annoying, and the protagonist so hard to relate to, is just how much the Warrior is now a total plaything of whatever enchantments happened to be around the place this time. Being randomly thrown around the first few exits is not too bad once you realize that there is nothing crucial to skip over that way, but even much later on, there are still those infuriating auto-choices where the character is suddenly "oVeRcOmE wItH eMoTiOn" and either has to deal with those fits of fear or grabs obvious traps in the form of food or gems. One might suspect that the thing which would separate "a Chosen One" from a merely skilled Warrior is being able to resist such influences, whether initially or learning to do so over the course of the trial. Yet, apparently being able to guess the path through unmarked trails (since "canonically", the Warrior would have had to have known which path to take the first time, every time) is a far more important skill to determine.
And of course, there's the similar design as in Hellfire, where you get a bunch of items that often sound cool, but are at best useful in one highly specific circumstance, and at worst are not useful at all. Here, it's arguably worse, since you do NOT need a particularly massive list by the end like in Hellfire, but the story is good at pretending that you do. Compared to the approach of Shrine of the Salamander or even A Princess of Zamarra, it just feels so impotent, especially when it results in the totally logical plotting like this:
SPOILER
* Simply figuring out HOW NOT TO STEP INTO DAMN QUICKSAND is beyond the mind of our Warrior. No, what the REAL Chosen Ones do is get into quicksand and then get bailed out by a blessing they get after randomly deciding to shatter a very specific, yet visually indistinct clay pot.
* Hell Demon can only be harmed with magical weapons. Would a silver dagger work? What about a golden axe of apparently divine origin, buried next to the literal food of the gods? Or, you know, Trinitour is also a Greater Demon, so can you just tell him to beat up the Hell Demon right there? LOL no, there's none of that, instead you have to roll a random boulder out of the way to fight that sacrificial knife.
* For that matter, Trinitour can easily lift two-ton boulders and throw you up tree branches and across chasms, yet that porticullis was suddenly beyond his powers, and "the Warrior" again had to somehow decide that a Fire Sprite of a random, seemingly unfriendly wizard would be what bails him out.
Narratively, there is also the simple fact that canonically (since you cannot win in any other way), "the Warrior"''s first reaction upon seeing unarmed, chained-up, wounded woman begging for help was to slit her throat, alongside doing the same to Rhino Man begging for mercy, and pulling a sword on a frightened old man. Ergo, he cannot possibly be a very nice person - so it's mystifying to see him approach a living die with "can I be of some service?" and talking to that ridiculously suspicious die as a friend moments later. Same goes for his general demeanor in conversations with other suspicious entities, or suddenly talking to Trinitour as a friend, (mostly once you figure out in which puzzles he is meant to be invoked) which clashes badly with the seething hatred anyone who had actually staggered through Hellfire is likely to feel for him. Besides, the protagonist had also lived through some six weeks of "the dead came back, the seas boiled, reality turned upside-down and people disappeared all over the place", as the background cheerfully informs us.) The one "I'm truly sorry for the things I've done in the past ... there's no real ... excuse" is...belated, to put it mildly. Yet, the last two times Trinitour is in the narrative are even more WTF.
SPOILER
One would expect saluting his corpse after he literally did save your life in combat would be far more acceptable than casually joking about weights and thrown distances with the one who had however many people in his torture chamber, yet, apparently, not to Phil Sadler. Somehow, it is at THIS moment that the circumstances of one's birth suddenly become more important than the content of one's character. And the less is said about an early villain coming back from the dead only to be taken out by Trinitour coming back from the dead and watching over you, the better.
END SPOILER
Even the final, mostly triumphal stretches, where you finally get to (mostly) relax and reap your narrative rewards are surprisingly compromised by not just typos (more on them later) but similarly dissonant and illogical writing.
SPOILER
The single most WTF moment was when a golden scroll of Oblivion got introduced in that very long conversation with the dying wizard ONLY FOR IT TO BE TORN UP IN THE NEXT REF! Like, why?! Are we also supposed to think that the wizards who literaly did bring the Warrior out of Oblivion themselves couldn't think of the demons being able to do the same in all that time?
And worse, is that the whole test makes no sense. Essentially NOTHING you are doing for 95% of the story has any real relevance to the final 5%.
Nothing you do in the trial helps you to weaken the Night Demon. The Wizards could have had summoned him soon after they awakened the Warrior, and it would have changed almost nothing. The only relevant thing you learn is the warning not to stare hell in the face, and it comes from such a compromised source, that it would be perfectly reasonable to ignore it. Moreover, the Night Demon is so weak, it's completely unclear why a single Chosen One is actually needed, and why a dozen or so SKILL ~9 warriors kitted out with magical weapons.
You do take out the Riders, but the fact Night Demon had no idea you did that suggests that the Wizards could have had summoned the Night Demon to face any other squad from the get-go, and they would have been none the wiser to his demise, either. Night Demon also being COMPLETELY UNAWARE of the prophecy, AND being surprised at even being summoned, makes a mockery of the whole "we cannot wait for even another hour, because prophecy" nonsense as well.
END SPOILER
Before I move on from the primary narrative, I should mention that this story's relationship with canon appears to be really questionable. To be fair, it's not the only one: Outsider! was very obviously written as urban fantasy with little regard to fitting with the rest of the setting, and the complete absence of, say, any Hashak's progeny, seems remarkable even for an Old World location. Here, though, everything to do with demons and religion owes far more to real-world Christianity than the rules of the setting. After Hellfire, I had to double-check that there ARE crucifixes in the setting, but at least they are meant to be a collective representation of all good deities. Here, there are numerous mentions of an obviously monotheistic God, Hell is described more monotheistically than like the Planes of the setting, and there is a mention of a single Devil, as opposed to the demonic pantheon. And one of the refs mentioning literal Christmas is about as inexcusable as the sudden outburst of atheism near the end of Outsider! that completely contradicts characters' own actions.
Well, I didn't enjoy Hellfire much, but it did have SOME things going for it, like violence feeling more consequential than usual. And as much as I hated the shopping list for the boss itself, the feeling of things finally coming together at the end as you got to negate all the other enemies right before him if you approached things right actually was really satisfying.
This, on the other hand, was just incredibly bad.
OK, I'll acknowledge that there is one thing it does a lot better than the first, and very well altogether, and that is the location descriptions. That island really is beautiful and a great step-up from yet another cave of the original. Its vistas are inspiring, with the bodies of water like lakes and even fish ponds a particular highlight. I am not sure how I would rank them next to, say, Andrew Wright's descriptions, but frankly, both are good.
It is therefore most unfortunate that even as the locale descriptions soar to new heights, the dialogue plumbs new depths. I remember being surprised, to put it mildly, that Gavin Mitchell decided to directly follow up his initial, rather dark (and frankly edgy too) work, Outsider!, with New Day Rising, which had a far lighter tone and was filled with not just rather childish humour, but hugely distracting meta humour as well. For whatever reason, Phil Sadler decided that this story really needed those same elements too, but should also be more of an "epic". And so we get brilliant exchanges like "But why - Because it has been prophesised.", alongside pre-kindergarten-level jokes about tossing an obviously-suspicious anthropomorphized dice into nettles and cowpats.
Even worse is the way the protagonist is written now. Hellfire tended to be very economical with internal monologue and the like - and this turned out to be a blessing. It kept banging on and on about BrAvErY, and there was no way to complete it if you (and by extension, the character) did not, in fact, heed it. Yet, here, we keep on reading and reading how the slayer of Trinitour and plenty other beasts keeps getting cold sweats at the sight of monsters (including some that he* had already killed before anyway), how fear literally causes physical damage, or requires tests of stamina (some extremely intensive) to overcome. I could chalk it to PTSD from being banished to the void...except that the conversational dialogue shows no sight of that!
Instead, the dialogue has somehow ended up dumbing him down a lot. In refs like 353, it's so, somoronic that he is "blushing and looking up at the sky" after being told that the gods are justifiedly interested after everything he's done to beat Trinitour (not interested enough to help more than in one very specific and confusingly unavoidably encounter, but still) and after the Wizards have already called him "The Chosen One" and brought him back from the literal oblivion. The utterly enormous refs 347 and 268 are probably even worse. I will never understand why multiple authors here apparently thought that arbitrary, completely unbelievable skepticism makes characters more relatable rather than less (be it a werewolf disbelieving in vampires in Rise of the Night Creatures or the "Warrior" suddenly deciding that a fairly generic demon birth story was less plausible than, say, a ghost of a woman warrior dead for 50 years emerging from a painting to him* give a piece of tiger fur to morph into.)
(* as according to that bit of dialogue near the end, at any rate.)
As usual, I am running out of comment space again, so this is about to end here. Before I continue about more the story and process, I would like to note that having no way to know what each of the three potions offered at the start even does, whether before or even after selecting them, is NOT a good start. I am not sure why one should be expected to read the "self-interview" (not easily available if you click "CONTINUED" at the end of anyway) to know that your healing is now 1D6 and so are the other restorative potions.
